May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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