I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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