I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
