Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
