if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i would punch a child for taco bell
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
