my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize