The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
