I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
