i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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