how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
