we have officially lost it.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
it glows. i had to have it.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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