just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you would pick up someone in the library
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
