i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
