thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
