Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Is it penis luge time yet?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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