These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
