Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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