how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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