Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
