There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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