Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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