So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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