He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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