Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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