I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
