If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
