I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
