I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
