Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
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