Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
