Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize