I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
cat food counts as protein by the way
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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