hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
