can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
