I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
