tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
