Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize