How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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