i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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