I just cut my nipple shaving
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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