You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
