I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
