If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
