White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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