please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Do vagina's smell?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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