is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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