I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
These tits shall not be calmed
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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