goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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