he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
