Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
