Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
