clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
