That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
