I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
