i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Randomize
