i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize