I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
