see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
