I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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