I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
