We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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