You just made me feel so damn special
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
