ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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