I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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