she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
