Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
