My first STD was from a foam party
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
