fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
