oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
