I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
