He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize