She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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