i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
