So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
