I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
NoShamevember. You game?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Randomize
