the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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