i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
No subtext here. People are naked.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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