i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
