my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
