i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
