if you like me you must not know who I am
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
